The Story Of The Insultilators

From the depths of the Brazilian Rainforest years ago, the Insultilators came to be. Jose Maria Del Valle De La Conchita Alonso De Jesus was born to an immigrant father and unidentifiable mother, and, left to die in the man eating forest. He immigrated to Canada when he was 12 and oddly enough took up a keen interest in music. Learning everything from the violin to the upside down bucket pounce, he found the Canadian music scene to be something special. Jesus' influences range from early 90's Techno to late 80's Industrial sounds, Skinny Puppy and Ministry. Jesus is the spine of the Insultilators.

Jannuty (the J isn't silent) is a different species all in his own. He holds a massive upper frame that could belong to a professional wrestler, but when he smiles, he can make a young girl blush. Growing up in rural Manitoba, his schoolmates were very nasty to him. His Portuguese / Italian/ Peruvian/ Russian/ African background didn't help either. Packing a lunch of bacala and tripa was not something familiar to Manitoba mangiacake kids. They teased and made fun, leaving Jannuty to sit in his room and sing his beautiful songs while looking in the mirror. He was thrown out of his home at the age of 11. This seems to be the main cause of the anger portrayed in Jannuty's sick, disturbing lyrics. Jannuty is the torso of the Isultilators.

Mysterio is the most enigmatic of the Insultilators. Age and ethnicity are unknown, although he is rumored to be a 39year old former Black Panther. Other sources say he is a journalist for a major Canadian newspaper with ties to corrupt politicians. His vocals are anything but original. He is a copycat who steals from Trent Reznor, Pharell Williams, Sade, Mick Jagger and Tom Waits. He is known as the thief of the Insultilators. His lyrics are sad and cold, reflecting his world of insecurity and shame. Mysterio is the fractured skull of the Insultilators.

Then there is J.D. Fun Ghouls. Although he has been dead for 2 years, his spirit still lives on like Biggie and 2Pac. A distinguished R & B crooner, he specializes in love making and rapping about racing gloves. He may seem to be one of the most moral band members, but all must be taken into consideration, he is a zombie. Fun Ghouls is the lovebone of the Insultilators.

Last but not least, there is Sour Puss. Leave him alone! His lips have always been small and sharp, and very pink. He will not speak unless spoken to. He recently has been charged with assault and indecent exposure and remains at-large with Mexican authorities. Puss is a wanderer who has spent more than half of his life in jails and institutions across the country. He disagrees with all Insultilator songs about love and romance. He is a definite asset to this group. Sour Puss is the faccia di merde of the Isultilators.

Stories reveal that the group formed after meeting at a Comic Book Convention where they had been disguised as B-Movie action heroes. Another tale states that they had met in a drunken stupor at Toronto's CHIN picnic. The most unusual story states that the Insultilators met on a rainy day at the Serial Killers Museum in Canada's Niagara Falls. Whatever the story may be, they make beautiful music. God save the Insultilators!